Worried.

Well this past week, well now almost 2 weeks ago, I found out that one of my dad's best friends/my godfather is dying from leukemia. The doctor has told him to get things squared away because he is only gonna have a few more weeks on this earth. Weeks. Not months, not years, but WEEKS. He probably won't even get to spend another Christmas here. It just blows my mind. I'm really struggling to deal with it...He's like my 2nd dad. Always been there for me even when he worked all the time. I just don't understand why the bad things always happen to the good people...It's so unfair. So please, please if you read this...PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM.

On to other news...

There is now a certain 3 year old requesting a sibling. She says mommy and daddy need to have another baby so I can have a brother or sister. How the hell do you explain to a 3 year old that's never gonna happen? If she only knew the truth...It just hurts my heart b/c I know that it will never be that way for  her. It will always be step-siblings and half-siblings. I wish me and Charles were married and had our lives together a little more, because I would be ready for a child...but we're just not. We're not ready yet for all of that. I hope that someday she will realize why her mommy and daddy aren't together and knows the WHOLE truth.

And finally...

I feel as though Charles' mom mentions things about Hannah's mom & Charles just to get under my skin. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does. I feel like I'm just in the way of them being together for their daughter. I get treated like a homewrecker sometimes even though I didn't even know Charles until the July Hannah's mom was pregnant...in fact I had hung out with Hannah's mom 2 weeks before I met Charles. I knew her pretty well. So it's not like I tried to get in the way of that. I knew it wasn't gonna happen. Things had went way too sour between them. I also get treated like I'm never gonna be good enough for Charles. It's like I've stuck around for 4 years. Put up with all you and your family's crazy antics and yet I'm still not good enough to marry your son. I just don't understand and frankly it hurts my feelings....

Well that's enough of my worries/rambling...until next time...